I CAN MOONWALK!
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
