If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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