i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
foreskin is a definite game changer
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
