I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He shit in the fireplace
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