dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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