I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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