I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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