imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
