Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
