you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
