I want to walk on stilts...naked
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
