real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
