I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
