Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
