I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
