I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
