Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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