i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
