I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
