as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
