I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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