this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
