I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
