Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm getting married
To pizza
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
