It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
