Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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