Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
