Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
