Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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