After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
