She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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