Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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