so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
