Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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