We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Randomize
