last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
