I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
