He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
