Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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