he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
