I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
