I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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