I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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