I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
