Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
