: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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