Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
so much tequila, so little girl.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize