Where is the hickey?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
