i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
