I'm sorry my penis didn't work
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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