put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
