Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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