what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
