I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
