I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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