I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
