she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize