11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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