11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize