Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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