20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
that is very illegal...i love you.
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