i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize