I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
