It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
