I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
This is classic penis vs brain.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
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