Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
you traded sex for a burrito?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
