I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
