I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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