sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize