I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
