I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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