he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You took a bar mat shot.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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