I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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