i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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