i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
My breasts were aching with rage.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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