she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
