Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
