Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
