So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize
