at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You know, be my cock's hype man.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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