literally had 100 drinks last night.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
