Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize