How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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