Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
