I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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