I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
