i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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