So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
