Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
