Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
