he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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