you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
